Here lately, I’ve read several articles about the absolute joy of fuck buddies, aka “Friends with Benefits”. Many writers extol the virtues of this type of arrangement as perfect: all the fun with none of the messiness of full blown relationships. The unfortunate thing is that friends with benefits can be just as ugly and complicated as a long term committed relationship.
Back in the day, I had a neighbor two doors down called Ted. He was my go-to guy on those nights you needed skin, but no complications. He loved to hang out and watch Sci-fi and eat Chinese take out. He also fucked like a champ. Did I want to keep him permanently? Oh Hell no. Ted also came
equipped with alcoholism on top of the sex skills. Our friendship ended when he went into DT’s on my couch and almost died, then resumed drinking a week later. But for what it was worth, Ted was the perfect friend with benefits, for awhile.
My last Dom was also such a friend. He coached high school drama during the week, and played with me on Friday nights. He’s the one I first explored pain play with, and role-playing. He also used to give me tokes of weed during blow jobs. The rest of the week, I heard nothing from him. This friends with benefits situation lasted a year. I took a break for a few months, then got back together with him for old time’s sake. Unfortunately, during the time apart he discovered crack Cocaine, and used it in my presence. I left that night and didn’t look back.
Friends with benefits can work beautifully for independent people who just don’t want or need the intensity of a committed relationship. But don’t be fooled, these arrangements are still a type of relationship, and the can go bad. Just move judiciously.