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I had an epiphany in the car during a meltdown: I have ALS, and there is no God. This is a problem, since I’m dying and there’s nothing to look forward to when I’m gone, and that won’t be too long in the future. It all makes sense. I’m in almost constant state of soul crushing depression aligned with a constant smothering case of ALS induced anxiety. The only love I feel now is for my son. I adore my husband, but feel no love. He’s my best friend, but I don’t have the “in love” feeling.
The mental isolationism makes the physical bearable. People mostly feel a great deal of discomfort around me, family included, so they stay away. I hide in my own mind, because when my body is totally useless, it will be the only company I will have eventually.
Now how does this fit together during a car meltdown? My wallet is MIA, so I take my husband’s wallet to get groceries. At the checkout, there is no debit card in said wallet. Thus, groceries are left at the store and I’m overwhelmed and pissed at my husband. Then I drive across town to the last place I saw my wallet, just to be told it’s not there. Why didn’t I call? I tried, but Gamestop doesn’t answer their damn phone.


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